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| MRI of my head with brain tumor |
Throughout my life I have had many photographs taken of me and was always considered handsome. As I grew older, my sense of self always remained inside the flattering image I had of myself. As I grew older, that image never really changed in my mind, though my appearance certainly began to change over the years. I was beginning to mistrust my perception when I saw it on occasion in a mirror and certainly after someone I had not seen in a while commented that "I looked good," which translated that I really had changed in appearance and was no longer appealing. All those moments of vanity and denial that I experienced in the last ten years was nothing compared to seeing myself from an entirely different perspective. In my case it was the MRI (magnetic resonance imaging) of my head with the large tumor in the upper left hand side of my head. I looked more like an apparition from a horror movie. But this was a snapshot of something very real. It was hard for me to come to terms with this honest picture of myself. I looked at it for the longest time and even downloaded a copy so that I could have it on file. What was I looking for? Was there a secret message hidden in this image that only I could translate? Is that a smile that I see on the MRI? Is this all just a big joke? The worst part of this ordeal was that the tumor was putting so much pressure on my brain that I was losing my cognitive skills. Reading, writing, and talking were difficult. When was I ever going to see that smiling face that I was so use to seeing every day?
